My first emotions on entering
the Masjid al-Haram were shaped by everything I had heard from others—my mind
was conditioned—and I wasn’t sure if what I was feeling was truly mine or just
a reflection of those preconceptions. All I knew was that I was overwhelmingly
moved, though I couldn’t pinpoint exactly why. Even now, I find it hard to
define the source of that overwhelm. Was it the years of waiting? The countless
moments of longing? Or was it simply the soul’s own ache, finally arriving at
one of the most blessed places on Earth? Though one feels it deeply, it’s
sometimes still difficult to fully grasp how profoundly the soul can be stirred
in such sacred spaces.
Talking about the moment I saw the Holy Kaaba, two things
struck me. First, the structure strangely seemed smaller and simpler than I had
expected or envisioned based on what I heard and saw in pics. Perhaps it was
the daily conditioning of the mind, but I couldn’t help noticing the sand on
the black Kiswa. That disappointed me a bit—I wasn’t expecting it. Strangely, I
have a mild issue with dust and am borderline OCD (in a lighter vein) about
cleanliness. Maybe there had been a sandstorm or some disturbance days prior;
I’m not sure. It seemed so simple—though perhaps that’s exactly what I had
always wanted it to be. I’ve never been drawn to grandeur in places of worship,
because Islam is not about extravagance, and I hoped that the symbols of the
faith would reflect that humility. I did, however, expect cleanliness and did
find it.
10. Winnowed: Walk me through the main Umrah
rituals — Tawaf, Sa’i between Safa and Marwah, and the hair-cutting —
in your own words. Which part felt the most powerful or overwhelming?
Noori: Tawaf involves seven circumambulations
around the Holy Kaaba, starting from the corner of the Hajre Aswad. For me, the
most overwhelming part was keeping count. Initially, I didn’t have a Tawaf
Tasbeeh—a small string of seven beads used as a counter—so I tried counting on
my fingers. Many times, I doubted my count and would go an extra round just to
be sure I hadn’t done fewer than seven. That uncertainty often lingered
throughout the Tawaf.
Hajre Aswad Corner – Multazam (Area between the
Hajre Aswad and the Door of Khaane Kaaba) – Muqaame Ibrahim (Golden Structure
that contains the Foot Prints of Prophet Ibrahim AS on Stone).
π What exactly is
the Multazam?
The Multazam is a sacred area of the Kaaba in Mecca.
The Multazam is the space between the door of the Kaaba and
the Black Stone (Hajar al-Aswad). It’s a relatively small section of the
Kaaba’s wall but holds deep spiritual importance.
π Why is it special?
•
It is believed to be a place where duas (supplications) are especially
accepted.
•
Pilgrims try to stand, press their chest, face, and arms against the wall, and
sincerely pray to Allah.
•
Though not obligatory, it is a highly recommended Sunnah practice during Hajj
or Umrah.
π Spiritual
significance
Many traditions mention that the Multazam is a place where:
•
People seek forgiveness
•
Make personal, heartfelt prayers
•
Ask for relief from hardships
Due to large crowds, especially during Hajj and peak Umrah
seasons, it may be difficult to reach or spend time there. Islam emphasizes
ease, so you can make dua from anywhere if access is not possible.
Pilgrims performing Tawaf
Each round usually begins by kissing the Hajre Aswad.
However, due to the huge crowds, it is often not possible to get close to the
black stone fixed at the corner of the Kaaba. It is equally acceptable, if you
simply raise your hands while facing the Hajre Aswad from afar and recite the
Tasbeeh, as is the practice of all pilgrims, regardless of which madhab they
follow. The recitation is: Bismillahi Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar,
Allahu Akbar wa lillahi hamd. Then, as you circumambulate, you focus
on the Kaaba and recite Duas. Even a respectful glance at the Holy Kaaba is
considered a form of worship (Azeem), so I kept my gaze fixed on the
beautiful Kaaba, trying to connect with the sacred realm and seek the mercy of
Allah.
Muqaame Ibrahim (Golden Structure)
After completing the Tawaf, one performs two Rakaats Nafl
behind Maqam E Ibrahim—the golden enclosure housing the stone where Prophet
Ibrahim (AS) stood on the stone during the construction of the Kaaba. This
stone is believed to have functioned as a lift, raising Prophet Ibrahim (AS) to
help him construct the walls of the Kaaba. It is believed that the footprints
of the Prophet (AS) became ingrained in the stone, . This preserved relic is on
display for pilgrims near the Kaaba.
Once the Tawaf is complete, pilgrims proceed to the Saee
area. Today, there are three floors where Saee can be performed. On the ground
floor, remnants of Mount Safa and Marwah can still be seen, though much of the
original terrain has been altered during the Holy Mosque’s expansion to
accommodate growing numbers of pilgrims. Performing Saee indoors with air
conditioning is a true blessing in today’s times, especially compared to the
harsh conditions pilgrims faced when it was outdoors in the Saudi climate. I
often felt immense gratitude for this ease and comfort.
Remaining portion of the Safa Mountain after the
construction of the indoor Sa’i corridor.
At the same time, I felt a deep sadness for the loss of the
natural mountains and the holy land in its original, authentic form.
Modernization has undoubtedly made the pilgrimage more convenient, but it has
come at the cost of the sacred terrain that the prophets themselves walked over
the centuries. That sense of loss always struck me as deeply heartbreaking.
Sa’i—walking seven times between the hills of Safa
and Marwah—is often misunderstood, and some pilgrims end up doing fourteen
rounds by mistake. The count begins at Safa: reaching Marwah counts as one,
returning to Safa becomes two, and so on, until seven rounds are
completed at Marwah. Many mistakenly consider a full back-and-forth as one
round.
Each time you pause at Safa or Marwah, you face the Qibla
and make du‘a. Along the path, there is a section marked by green lights—this
is where men are required to walk briskly or lightly jog, an act known as Raml (more
specifically in Sa’i, it is often referred to as Harwala). This is
not prescribed for women, though some, unaware of the ruling, may imitate the
men.
Similarly, during Tawaf, men are encouraged to walk at a
slightly faster pace in the first three rounds (also called Raml),
but due to the heavy crowds, this is often not practically possible.
Once Sa’i is completed, one exits the state of Ihram by
trimming the hair. For women, cutting a small portion—about an inch—is
sufficient, but it should be taken from all sides of the head. For example, if
someone has layered or uneven hair, small portions should be trimmed from
different sections. If the hair is long and even, cutting off an inch from the
end is enough.
For men, the Sunnah is to shave the head completely, though
trimming is also practiced by some. As mentioned earlier, different madhabs may
have varying interpretations, and it is important to respect these differences
without judgment—ultimately, it is between the pilgrim and Allah, who knows
best and is the final authority.
11. Winnowed: Many people say the Tawaf is an
unforgettable experience. What thoughts or emotions ran through your mind while
circling the Kaaba, especially at 52 and as a lone woman?
Noori: Alone, yet not lonely there — The Truth.
In that moment, no emotion remained except a profound yearning to connect with
the Almighty, to seek His forgiveness and earn His pleasure, and to pour out
all the burdens one has carried, placing them gently into the hands of the One,
one knows and trust that He truly cares, If not here, then where else can one
surrender so completely? There is no other place one could imagine.
Surrounded by a constantly shifting sea of strangers, one
cannot help but feel both insignificant and humbled. A single purpose unites
every soul there—complete and total submission, in the hope of earning the
Almighty’s pleasure and the acceptance of their supplications.
Rukne
Yemeni
12. Winnowed: How was drinking from the Well of
Zamzam? Did you notice any special feeling or story attached to it during your
visit?
Noori: There is no direct access to the Well of
Zamzam; however, barrels filled with both cold and room-temperature Zamzam
water are placed throughout the areas where pilgrims gather to pray. During
Sa’i, there are Zamzam fountains and taps with a continuous flow of
water—available 24/7, all year round—serving millions of pilgrims.
What is truly remarkable is that there is never any shortage
of water. The barrels are constantly replenished, and despite the immense scale
of serving so many people, the housekeeping teams perform their duties with
exceptional efficiency. Their efforts are tireless, ensuring uninterrupted
availability at all times.
One thing I couldn’t help but notice was how energized I
felt after drinking Aab-e-Zamzam, despite having no food for long hours and
being engaged in constant physical activity during Tawaf and Sa’i. It’s
something I noticed the very first time I drank the blessed water—the sense of
vitality it brings.
The experience of its blessings seems deeply connected to
one’s faith—the more sincere and unwavering the belief, the more profound the
experience feels. Yet, reaching that level of faith is a journey in itself.
13. Winnowed: Did you also visit Medina? What
was special about praying in Masjid an-Nabawi and seeing the Rawdah, and how
did it compare spiritually to Mecca for you?
Noori: Alhamdulillah, I was blessed with the
opportunity to visit the holy city of Madina twice.
Usually, people perform Umrah first at Masjid
al-Haram, and then proceed to Medina for Ziyarat of Nabi
Kareem ο·Ί and
the Sahaba-e-Kiram
There can be exceptions, though. I’ve heard that in some
cases—especially when traveling through an agency—people may land directly in
Madina, stay there for a few days, and then travel to Mecca to perform Umrah.
In such situations, they visit Madina first. While this is less common, it does
happen, depending on travel arrangements and available options.
As I mentioned earlier, I didn’t travel from India via a
travel agent. I went alone from Hyderabad and was received in Jeddah by my
brother, where I stayed with him and his family. We then traveled to Madina by
car, which usually takes around 4.5 to 5.5 hours via the Route 60/Route 15
highway, the main expressway connecting the two cities.
Indeed, Madina carries a uniquely serene and peaceful
atmosphere—the air itself feels soothing, as if it holds a gathering of
beautiful souls bound by a profound spiritual connection.
It is the resting place of three of the most noble and
beloved companions who fulfilled the mission entrusted to them: Nabi Kareem ο·Ί, his closest companion and the
first Caliph, Abu Bakr Siddiq (RA), and Ameer-ul-Mu’mineen Umar ibn Khattab
(RA).
Access to Rawdah is now managed through prior appointments
booked on the Nusuk app, Once a year per pilgrim, tracked by the
Passport/Contact Mobile number details provided to book an appointment. It
requires planning in advance, as slots fill up quickly. Without a confirmed
booking, one must either wait or try their luck in queues, with no assurance of
being allowed entry. Visiting hours are usually fixed after Fajr and Isha
prayers, and appointments are generally limited to once a year per visitor.
Once inside, the time is brief—just enough to offer two
rak‘ahs of nafl prayer and make short supplications before being guided out.
Some try to linger longer by slipping past, but I chose not to. I was too
overwhelmed to think of anything beyond the purpose of being there. My focus
was solely on that connection, that moment of sincerity.
I believe even a single moment of true faith and presence is
enough, and it isn’t worth losing that fleeting connection by trying to out
manoeuvre the system. Perhaps it’s age, or perhaps it’s simply the realization
to value what is given and make the most of it—even if it’s only a few precious
minutes.
I will give you more information on Al Madinah tomorrow. You can put it up in a separate blogspot.
Rawdha
14. Winnowed: Being a woman, were there any specific
arrangements, facilities or experiences (prayer areas, crowd management, etc.)
that stood out to you?
Noori: Every detail stood out, especially when
considering the enormous crowds that flow through continuously, all year round.
Yet, the place remains immaculate—constantly cleaned and washed—without ever
interrupting the pilgrims’ journey. The way they manage such massive crowds can
sometimes be frustrating, with sudden pathway closures and diversions, which
many complain about. But if one observes without personal bias, it becomes
impossible not to admire the efficiency with which they keep everything moving and
handle such throngs nonstop. It is truly commendable and almost unbelievable.
As a lady particularly attentive to cleanliness, I was
struck by how impeccably maintained the toilets and ablution areas are. Clean
water is always available, and staff are ready to attend to any mess at all
times. Not once did I come across anything unsightly, even in facilities that
are constantly used by hordes of people every single minute of every hour.
15. Winnowed: How crowded were the holy sites?
Did the crowds ever feel intimidating, or did the shared devotion make
everything feel manageable?
Noori: There’s no denying it—the area is
incredibly crowded, and one does encounter people who are inconsiderate. If you
venture very close to the Kiswah, the Kaaba, or the Hajr-e-Aswad, you quickly
understand what it feels like to be truly pressed and suffocated. It becomes a
struggle, with everyone trying to move past one another. That intensity is felt
most in the innermost circles nearest the Kaaba.
For me, kissing the Hajr-e-Aswad was out of the question—I
didn’t want to push through the crowd or inconvenience anyone just to touch the
Kaaba or the Hajr-e-Aswad. I was determined to maintain composure and move in a
way that caused no intentional or unintentional discomfort to others.
Alhamdulillah, despite this, I was blessed to touch the
Kiswah three times. Sometimes, the path just opened up naturally, the first
time, my nieces gently but firmly guided me through so I could reach it. May
Allah bless them with the fulfillment of all the wishes and prayers they
offered that day while touching the Kiswah. Ameen.
16. Winnowed: Tell us about the food,
accommodation and day-to-day practicalities in Mecca and Medina. Any
Hyderabad-style biryani or local Indian food surprises?
Noori: I stayed with my brother and his family,
and may Allah ΚΏAzzawaJjal
bless him, grant immense barakah in his rizq, and grant him aafiyah, for he
ensured I got to taste the very best of the food available in Jeddah and
Madina. I would travel to Mecca from Jeddah, which is about an hour and a half
drive—roughly 140 km.
By the grace of the Almighty, these are a few of the dishes
I tried and truly enjoyed:
Mandi, Kabsa, Bukhari, and Haneed – all rice
with meat, yet each distinct in its blend of herbs and flavors. As is preferred
in Saudi cuisine, the food is generally mild, yet the unique aromas, fragrant
herbs, and subtle spices give it a flavor that is so unique and strangely connected
to the desert landscape.
There was so much more that I tried and tasted—I just missed
taking pictures, as I’m not really the “Insta” kind. It would only strike me
after I had already finished eating, lol. Baklava, Deemah (a small piece of
chocolate cake that was just too yum) to name a few, and so many more…like
Balila (Street food, Boiled chickpeas with some tangy flavor, so nice), Kibda –
(A delicacy mostly available in Ramadaan). Gorak Phalli (Madras thorn or camachile.or
Jungle Jalebi) was another thing that I tried for the first time there, it’s
available in India but I never tasted that here.
Kibda
Bukhari
– The Leaves are called Jarjir.
Haneed
Al
Baik / Al Tazaj
Muttabaq
(One
cannot return from Saudi if they have not tasted these fried Chicken)
They have a traditional drink called Soobia,
made especially in the summer using barley and various herbs. Local families
sell it roadside, either from their cars or from makeshift stalls that pop up
spontaneously in different spots—and it always sells out quickly. It’s so good.
Fatayer
Lebnah
Zaatar
Milaf, sweetened with dates instead of sugar, is the
Arab counterpart to Western carbonated drinks like Coke and Pepsi. The latest
carbonated beverages, available in a variety of flavors, are often
date-sweetened as well. They also offer non-alcoholic beer, which tastes
surprisingly good, with options from both local and well-known international
brands. Then there is Moussy – Malt drink….and so on..
Kunafa
Saudi Khawa—their traditional coffee. I had always
been hesitant about trying coffee, having only known the intensely strong
Turkish style, which I never dared to taste. But Saudi Khawa was love at first
sip—truly the best coffee I’ve ever had. It’s traditionally served with juicy
dates and tahini, which complement the coffee perfectly.
17. Winnowed: Were there many other pilgrims from
India or Hyderabad? What was it like interacting with Muslims from so many
different countries and cultures?
Noori: I met Indians from various states, though
I didn’t quite get a chance to interact with many Hyderabadis—not sure why.
Most of the people I spoke to were either from Pakistan, UP, or Kerala. People
often try to guess each other’s nationality, and almost everyone assumed I was
from somewhere else in the world rather than Hyderabad—lol.
It was truly beautiful to connect with people whose language
I couldn’t understand, and who couldn’t understand mine. Yet, we shared
kindness in countless small ways—offering a glass of water, making sure someone
was comfortable, sharing a snack, a date, a chocolate, lending a chair… or
simply exchanging a friendly smile, a glance of acknowledgment, bearing witness
to each other’s presence. That form of connection felt far more enriching than
any conversation could ever be.
18. Winnowed: As a single woman, did you ever
feel unsafe or uncomfortable? How were the security arrangements overall?
Noori: The answer is an emphatic no.
I’ve heard of people sometimes feeling discomfort in the crowd, especially
women or young girls, but I have no idea why I felt so safe and at ease—perhaps
it’s age – OLD Age ha ha, or maybe it was the single-minded focus on something
far greater that carried me through. Not once did I feel uneasy or awkward.
Alhamdulillah.
For someone who has long struggled with severe crowd phobia,
this was nothing short of a miracle. Standing there, in a sea of countless
pilgrims, emotions running high all around, I felt completely at home. Even
when I was alone, every visit to the Holy Kaaba brought a deep sense of peace
and belonging. The energy of the crowd, instead of overwhelming me, became part
of the sacred rhythm of the place. The very first visit was the only
exception—then I had the comfort of my two nieces by my side—but after that,
even on my own, I felt an indescribable ease, as if I had always belonged
there, or as if I were being cared for by something unseen yet profoundly
present.
19. Winnowed: What was one moment — big or small —
that you will remember for the rest of your life?
Noori: To truly narrate this moment, I need to
provide some context. My mother, who passed away two years ago, was constantly
in my prayers.
Every Umrah I performed after my first was also offered
on behalf of my deceased parents. (Disclaimer: Different schools of thought
have varying rulings on this, and I am aware of the differences. According to
the Hanafi school of thought, however, it is permissible to perform Umrah on
behalf of the deceased.)
In her later years, my mother kept herself occupied with
crochet and cooking—two hobbies that became a constant in the dusk years of her
life.
It was my first Ramadan Umrah. I was fasting and had just
completed my tawaf, followed by the two rak‘ahs of wajib-ut-tawaf. I then
proceeded to the Sa’i area and was on my way back from Marwah to Safa when,
from the corner of my eye, I noticed a gentle elderly woman handing something
out. It felt unusual—most people were fasting, and in the Sa’i area, it is more
common to see people distributing dates, snacks, or juice. But during Ramadan,
it didn’t quite make sense to be handing out food, or so I thought.
As I walked past, I noticed a few people returning something
colorful to her, and she was gently gesturing, trying to explain. There was
something about her hand movements that felt familiar. I had already crossed
her, but I immediately turned back, approached her, and gestured, “Can I have
one?”
A warm, joyful smile spread across her face as she handed me
a small crocheted watermelon slice. I held it in my palm, puzzled, wondering
why she was distributing these tiny charms. I placed it in my pouch and
continued with my Sa’i.
Later, when I returned home and took it out to show my
niece, it struck me—it had become a souvenir of my very first Ramadan Umrah. In
that moment, it felt incredibly precious.
When I shared this experience with a friend, I learned that
the little charm held another meaning. It has come to symbolize Palestine,
perhaps because it carries the colors of the flag. Maybe the elderly woman
wanted people to remember and pray for them. I will never truly know her
reason.
But for me, it will always remain deeply special—a quiet,
beautiful moment that connects me back to my mother and to my first Ramadan
Umrah.
20. Winnowed: Looking back, is there anything you
would do differently in terms of preparation, timing or mindset?
Noori: To be honest, no amount of preparation
truly helps—that’s how it felt to me. My mind went completely blank. The
supplications and verses I had memorized and recited daily, almost
unconsciously, just vanished in that moment.
I had a small booklet given to me by my cousin, so I simply
read from it. Everything I had carefully learned and prepared beforehand seemed
to slip away once I was there. I had even planned to make my own booklet with
all the important verses, but after receiving this one, I let that idea go.
Perhaps next time, I’ll make sure to have my own collection
printed and readily available. I won’t rely entirely on my memory—I’ve learned
that in moments like these, even the most familiar things can fade.
21. Winnowed: What advice would you give to other
Indian Sunni women — especially single or older women — who are thinking of
performing Umrah? Would you encourage them to go, and would you like to perform
Hajj one day?
Noori: They say no one truly reaches these
sacred places unless they are invited. No matter how much one plans or strives,
if it is not meant to be, the journey simply does not unfold. It is a belief
held quietly by many, yet deeply felt by those who have experienced it.
And when that call finally comes, there is a certain
stillness in the heart—a knowing that there is nothing to hold back from.
Because in that journey, it no longer feels like it is you who is making the
effort or carrying the body forward. There is something far greater at work, a
gentle yet powerful force guiding every step.
You begin to realize that you are not just a traveler—you
are a guest, invited and received by the Host Himself. And it is His grace,
more than your own strength, that sees you through.
Maybe that is what explains how people far older, seemingly
frail and physically weak, are still able to undertake such an arduous journey
and complete the pilgrimage. There is something beyond physical strength at
work.
In the end, it comes down to Tawakkul—a quiet,
unwavering trust. That is all one truly needs.
Once you are there, just quietly whisper—ask the Almighty to
help you, to make it easy for you. For He is As-Samee‘ (the
One who hears everything), Al-Baseer (the One who sees
everything), and Al-Mujeeb (the One who answers and responds).
22. Winnowed: You waited years because you didn't
want your ailing father to travel for your sake. Now that you've done it solo,
do you think the old mahram requirement served a protective purpose, or do you
feel it was an unnecessary barrier for women like you?"
Noori: The old mahram rule did serve a
protective purpose. While the change in the law allowed me to make this visit,
I still would have wished to perform Umrah or In’Sha’Allah Hajj with a mahram,
as it aligns with the Sunnah of the Prophet ο·Ί.
At the same time, it is important to follow the law of the land. I understand
that a change in law does not invalidate the pilgrimage, yet part of me still
hoped to perform it according to the old rule.
Ultimately, it is Allah’s will—He accepts and enables what
He deems best. I submit fully to His decree, for we know that even a leaf does
not fall unless it is ordained.
23. Winnowed: You mention performing Umrah on behalf
of your parents after your first one — could you describe that experience? Did
performing a second (or third) Umrah within the same trip feel different in
intention and emotion?
Noori: Yes, I began to feel lighter—less
burdened—than the first time I performed the pilgrimage. Perhaps it was the
familiarity, the easing of anxiety that comes with human experience, and also
the deepening sense of acceptance, forgiveness, mercy, and grace that surrounds
you with each act of submission, every heartfelt supplication, and every
sincere intention.
This is why it is advised not to overdo it; otherwise, the
sanctity of the intention may be lost, and the acts risk becoming mere physical
exercise rather than true devotion.
24. Winnowed: The moment with the elderly woman
and the crocheted watermelon slice is striking — it simultaneously evokes your
mother, Palestine, and a stranger's act of love. Did you feel any conflict
holding a political symbol in such a sacred, apolitical space?"
Noori: As for the crocheted charm, I had no clue
about its symbolism when I received it. In that moment, there was truly no
mental bandwidth to think beyond the simple familiarity of a woollen charm—yet
somehow, it seemed to bridge the zΔhiri and bΔαΉini realms in a
quietly mysterious way.
25. Winnowed: You describe the Kaaba as smaller and
simpler than expected, almost disappointingly so at first. Do you think the
simplicity of the structure is part of its spiritual power — and did that first
impression change as the trip went on?
Noori: Throne of Allah above the Kaaba:
Many scholars and traditional narrations mention that above the Kaaba lies
the ‘Arsh (Throne of Allah). This belief is rooted in hadith
and classical scholarly writings, though it is understood as part of the unseen
(ghayb). And Allah Azzawjall knows best.
Even merely gazing upon the Kaaba is considered a blessed
act of worship. The way the structure, draped in its black Kiswa, draws the
soul toward it is beyond words—it lingers with you long after you have left,
transcending distance and proximity.
For some, it may feel like first love; for others, the
realization may dawn more slowly. I believe it is directly linked to one’s
level of Δ«mΔn. Allah knows what lies in every heart, and everything
unfolds according to each person’s capacity to comprehend, understand, and
grow.
26. Winnowed: You mention having severe crowd
phobia, yet felt completely at ease in one of the most densely crowded places
on Earth. Has that experience changed how you relate to crowds back in
Hyderabad — or was it entirely specific to the sacred space?
Noori: When one suddenly finds ease walking
alone in a sea of strangers, without a single moment of worry or
suffocation—and the best part is that it came without any conscious effort on
my part—it is a profound gift. I had simply left everything to Allah(Sincerely
put my faith in his mercy), and promised to hold on to a virtue most beloved by
Rasool Allah ο·Ί and by
Rabbul Kareem: Sabr. Should any difficulty arise, I trusted Allah
to guide me through. This was the most anxiety-laden journey of my life, and I
was undertaking it alone for the very first time. I was entirely by myself—and
yet, I felt a peace I had never known, even during previous travels when I
always had someone by my side.
I think I walked out of Masjid al-Haram leaving my fear of
crowds behind. In fact, I was also granted a quiet, strange assurance—that I
was not, am not, and will never be truly alone.
27. Winnowed: You say this felt like 'an extension
of your duty as a daughter.' Did performing the pilgrimage for your parents
bring you any sense of closure about their passing, or did it deepen the grief?
Noori: I know I did the very best I could, and
Allah SWT knows the sincerity of my intention. Closure was never the goal, and
grief had no room to deepen—Allah’s mercy would not allow it, for He alone
knows the limits of what a soul can bear.
It is like promising the moon and stars to someone; within
human capacity, this I think to some extent is as far as a Muslim can go, and I
did.
They will always be present in every dua, every
namaz—fulfilling the very purpose a parent hopes for in their child: that
someone continues to pray for them after they leave this world. I am grateful
to uphold my duty toward these two beautiful souls who fulfilled every
obligation as parents ordained by Allah Almighty. May He accept their good
deeds, reward every effort in accordance with His excellence and mercy, and
accept my humble intentions and feeble attempts. Ameen.
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